Conversations at the Bar – Diane and Jacob Anderson-Minshall

Andy and I were very happy to welcome Diane and Jacob Anderson-Minshall to Cocktail Hour to chat about their new memoir, Queerly Beloved: A Love Story Across Genders. We had a fantastic time and hope to have them back in the future.

You can get entered to win a signed paperback of Queerly Beloved by leaving a comment – per Diane, you get a bonus point for using “vagina” in your post. All comments made on or before July 18th will be eligible to win.

You can download a sample or purchase Queerly Beloved by clicking here.

11 responses to “Conversations at the Bar – Diane and Jacob Anderson-Minshall”

  1. This was fabulous, thank you for your forthright and honest interview, it has helped me immensely.

  2. My vagina is looking forward to having me read your new book to her. Of course I’ll have to read it in bed cause she can’t hear too well when I sit. 😉

  3. I am very interested in reading your story (vagina), as, sadly, I experience the all too familiar outcome (vagina) of being left by my partner after I began my transition (vagina). Although, it has turned out for the best (vagina), as I found my soul mate, best friend and life partner (vagina) and have been together, now, over 12 years (vagina). We have plans to marry later this year (vagina). You two are an inspiration (vagina) and I wish you continued happiness and success (vagina). Oh and did I mention vagina?

    • I hear far too often about trans folks being dumped or unable to find more than passing relationships, sometimes with sexual partners who are only interested in the experience of having sex with someone who is trans. It can be depressing. Fortunately there are success stories too–like Diane and mine–and we need to give those relationships more publicity We as a community) also need to find ways to give couples more support when they are going through a gender transition. I’m curious, looking back do you think there was anything that could have “saved” that earlier relationship?

      • The strangest twist in my story comes with who my ex wound up with … having been, or claimed to have been, or believed herself to be, a lesbian for all of her 33 years prior to my transitioning, she didn’t leave me for a woman, she left me for a cis male. She is, to this day, still married to the man and they have an 11 year-old daughter. We knew each other for a few months, and hung out a bit, before we became lovers. We had been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years before I began transitioning. She was present, in the room getting instructions from the doctor, along side me, the day of my first t-shot. Three months, or so, into it, something changed. There were a whole host of circumstances that could explain her departure from me and from the LGBT community – despite her claims of wanting to hold on to the only lifestyle she knew – the greatest being financial security. The way I look at it is my transition help us both be who were where meant to be all along.

        • Calahan – you were selected as the winner of the signed book but we have no email address to contact you. If you would contact me at rev at, I’ll be able to put you in touch with the authors.


  4. Interesting interview! I have met a couple of people who have transitioned. It seems like it is getting better in ‘coming out’ then 30 years ago. One of the cool things at the company I work for, is that they help the person with there transition plan and working with there management team to assist them in the process. very cool

    • I think it is getting easier to come out as trans or gender variant. At least for some trans people in some places. Trans kids being raised by middle class, white, college educated, parents who don’t live in rural areas are finding the resources they need to support them at earlier and earlier ages.

      But there’s still such a long way to go for real acceptance. We hear of trans kids whose parents completely support them but whose schools or communities do not. And there are still thousands of trans kids on the streets of America who’ve been forced to leave home because of their gender variance.

      Trans women of color have depressingly high rates of being forced into sex work and ending up with HIV. Every year dozens of trans and gender variant people are killed because they are different (some as young as 5 and some by their own family members)–and many are still blamed for their own deaths because they had “tricked” someone into thinking they were cisgender.

      Right at this moment, when the LGBTQ community is celebrating marriage equality wins a self-declared member of our queer community has asked the courts to declare her legal marriage to a well known trans man was invalid because he had not yet had bottom surgery. Even though she’d always known that and is even on film talking about how wonderful his trans body is,

      Still, as you say, for some of us it is getting better. As I write in Queerly Beloved, I was incredibly privileged to transition so easily. And many employers are doing as yours and supporting their trans employees while also educating the cisgender employees about the realities (opposed to the myths) about gender variant people in the workplace. Unfortunately, at this point (and without trans inclusion in ENDA) there is still no guarantee a person won’t lose their job by simply acknowledging they are trans.

  5. Thanks for sharing this very personal story, Diane and Jacob. I enjoyed the interview and I look forward to reading the book! Now, how should I include the word vagina in my comment? Oh look, I just included it. 🙂

  6. Wonderful interview. Thanks for sharing your story. I’ve never really known a transgendered person but I remember the reactions from coworkers some 20 years ago when a high-level executive began the transition from John to Jane. I found the “I’m not sharing a bathroom with him” comments extremely aggravating. Just wish I could have had the nerve to say “you know, you really oughta be more worried about sharing it with me and people like me. She doesn’t want anything to do with you”. Of course I didn’t want anything to do with her either since I don’t care much for stupid people of any variety.

    I think it’s good to have these stories told and talked about.


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